Okay, so I don't THINK I'm going to be incarcerated on Friday at 5PM, but there's more of a chance of that happening than usual. Don't worry, I already have a volunteer to bail me out if it comes to that.
I got a blasted notice from the city taped to my door. This didn't exactly seem like a casual notification either. First off, they bothered to waste two whole pieces of tape on sticking the page in the middle of my door. You know they mean business when it's not even a windy day and they tape it from above and below. Also, the officer who signed it did so in blue ink. It clearly wasn't just copied there. Someone took a whole .3 seconds to scribble a signature at the bottom of the page. On a side note, why do teachers bother teaching cursive? I swear third grade teachers are practically the only ones with legible cursive these days anyway. Whatever. Back to my criminal ways. The page is totally watermarked with a code enforcement something or other symbol thing. Looks official to me. Lastly, I have a case number. It is right up there at the top of the page. I'm 5-11-3574. Hide your kids, hide your wife!
I violated ordinance number 9-3-2** (Why the heck are there asterisks in ordinance numbers? It seems to me like there are ten perfectly good numbers to choose from if you want to make it longer...) and if I don't correct the violation by June 3 at 5:00 I will be "SUBJECT TO IMMEDIATE CRIMINAL CITATION WITHOUT ADDITIONAL NOTICE." Yikes! I'm guessing that probably means a fine, but "CRIMINAL" is in there. Criminals go to jail. Sometimes. Come on, it's not TOO far of a stretch.
Well, off I go to hack down my backyard full of waist-high grass and weeds. Yep. They've all gotta be under 6 inches in 6 days or else I'm gonna get busted!
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